Pyrex Pining of Prince Price

In early 2020 (early.), I lost a couple of my bowls to the house. This is how I handled this situation: Through a series of emails to the house. At this time, I was taking a creative writing class, and uh. it shows. (Note: No images referenced are significant to the plot of this situation.)

21 February 2021: Escher Missed Connections: you: Pyrex bowls. me: a hot baker with a cool apron

Hey folks!

I have some Pyrex bowls I keep in the Karma kitchen for mixing things in, making bread, and the like. I'm a big fan of my bowls. I take them everywhere I go, and I use them to cook juuust about everything. The last time I made cookies I cleaned the ones I had used and left them on the counter and now I haven't seen two of them in a few weeks. The ones I still have are pictured below, though one of those missing is slightly larger- this is the one I miss the most because it's the only one remotely big enough for doing a good job of mixing things in.

If anyone has seen my bowls or bowls they think are my bowls (I'd know them anywhere) please let me know and let my worried heart rest.

Bring my babies home ❤️

Thanks!! Have a great weekend and good luck on your midterms! Rowan P K22

This is where it started.

20 March 2021: Ninety one point sad WBOWL FM

Hey hey hey it's DJ Row comin at you over the airwaves just to say instead of spinning rad tunes I'm spinning sad times because I still haven't found my beloved transparent Pyrex bowls and now ive almost given up when what do I find is lost but ALL of my measuring cups from the shelf labelled mine, taken at some unknown time

One cup

Half cup

Third, quarter

I used to be short just some but I guess now

I'm shorter

Please return my cooking implements

If you're going to use stuff that's mine, ask

Whenever I cook things I like share so by limiting my cooking ability you're only hurting yourself, whoever it is

Thanks and guff love to all of you,

Rowan

10 May 2021: A Very Fun Email! You're Gonna Loaf It!

This was my magnum opus.

Abstract

A few months ago, I realized that some of my bowls had gone missing. They’re 1.5qt transparent pyrex bowls (though one is slightly larger, for mixing), which I use for baking bread and various other kitchen tasks. Over time, other kitchen implements of mine have disappeared into the aether of Guff despite being on a shelf labeled with my name and room number. Now, I’m really a guy who likes cooking, and even more I like sharing my kitchen implements with others- on the conditions that I get them back, both in good condition and also at all. For those reasons, I chose to continue leaving some of my stuff in the Karma kitchenette, and I would like to be able to continue doing so. But my bowls (quite small) remain at large, and quite frankly, I miss them. In order to articulate exactly how and exactly why I miss them so, I am writing this email which will contain laments in various poetic forms, a purely emotional statement in the form of a series of images, and a quite technical statement. The intent of all of this is not simply a caffeinated artistic flex- What I want you to get out of this is this: I fucking miss my bowls. I want them back. If you see them, or think you’ve seen them, or you have some pyrex bowls that you found in the house that you did not buy, run them by me. I am a broken man. I can only hope that my bowls have not met the same fate.

A Lamenting Ghazal

A sheen unparalleled, even through baked on Crisco,

Went everywhere my true love did go.

Made a crust, the cardinal’s delight,

The golden brown my true love did know.

Knock knock knock- that perfect sound,

Made by a true loaf, hollow.

Fresh bread so warm, so winter-perfect,

Melted, my true love did, the snow.

Safe in an oven, but not alone-

For that is how my true love did go.

Lost, alone, hungry, tired.

Don’t go looking any more, Rowan- your true love is gone.

A Villa-bowelle

Return to me, my pyrex three,

By just tomorrow morning,

And there will be much love for thee.

Perhaps there was a thieving spree,

In which case, hear my warning:

Return to me my pyrex three.

The happiness that you will see

When you cease my mourning-

There will be much love for thee.

Understand, they were not free,

And my wallet is not pouring.

Return to me my pyrex three.

Baking pies, bread, zucchini,

In your glass of Corning

There will be much love for thee.

I may never again know the glee,

Nor feel my heart go soaring-

But hear! Return to me, my pyrex three,

For there is so much love for thee.

What everyone else sees when they look at my bowls:

(editor's note: This was just a picture of the bowl. You're not missing anything.)

(This is a picture of a backup bowl that I keep in my room in its original packaging. I’ll take it out sometime, when the heat has died down a bit and we both feel more safe.)

What I see:

🥰♥️❣️❤️💒💖💕💓💖💞😻💝💜💝💙💘💘💗💌🥰🥰

A Haiku:

A crumb, pure delight

So much bread was baked in you-

And now you are gone.

A Limerick:

I miss my three bowls:

They made me feel whole.

But now they are gone,

And I sing this song,

Trying to fill that old role.

A Technical Note:

The pyrex glassware sold in the United States is made out of soda-lime glass, which has several properties that make it more useful than other types of glass inside the context of kitchenware. Specifically, it’s fairly resistant to thermal shock (wikipedia: Pyrex). This makes it safe to use in the oven, which is exactly what I like to use my bowls for. I have a pretty efficient system for baking bread which requires only two receptacles for production: A mixing bowl, then a bowl for each loaf of bread. The larger of my missing bowls was used for mixing and for the first proof in a warm oven, while the smaller ones are used for the second proof (near a preheating oven) and then for doing the actual baking itself in. In short, these bowls are absolute workhorses in the kitchen, and I rely on them to do some serious business.

Note: Bowls of this brand are made out of borosilicate glass in other countries, but not America for some various reasons.

An Appeal to the Basic Senses:

Many of the few people left at the house live in Karma and Falstaff now- Imagine walking through the hallways and smelling fresh baked bread. I know from experience that baking bread has the benefit of kind of absorbing smells in the immediate area, which could mitigate the effect of people living in a more dense area. Not only that, but I almost always share when I make bread- Often, I make bread with the express purpose of sharing. I want to make you bread. My bread is tasty. It’s also a recipe simple enough in ingredients to be vegan by happenstance. You want to eat my bread. You want to smell my bread. You want to hear my bread- it makes a nice thudding when you tap the crust. You want to see my bread, because I know some of you have never laid eyes on it before and want to know what all the hype is about. You want to feel it- it’s nice and airy, delicate and structured. It’s crunchy, chewy, and yummy. Please give me my bowls back so I can make you bread.

In Conclusion:

This was a very fun email to write. I wish I didn’t have to.

I have included a picture of what my bowls look like (one of them is larger, but only large enough to exactly fit one of the others inside), and I just today went through every suite kitchen looking for them. There was a box or two of kitchen paraphernalia in guff last night, but I didn’t get to it soon enough to look through it for my bowls- if you have it, please let me know if I could flip through it for some of my missing stuff. I have a hunch it might be implicated in that box. Otherwise, if you’ve seen a bowl like I’m describing, please let me know. I’m not kidding when I say I literally can recognize my bowls by feel- I actually care about my bowls and I fucking want them back. In this matter, I am dedicated.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and aid in my continuing search for my beloved bowls.

Guff love to all,

Rowan Price, K24

A review from Sky:

"beautiful. heartbreaking. riveting. a triumph in the highlighting of the lowest despair. a must-read"

i am so sorry, i hope you get your bowls back so we may get beautiful bread to fill our souls with happiness rather than sad (but also beautiful) poetry.

<3

Conclusion

I never found the mixing bowl, but I did find one of my missing smaller bowls around the house. I did replace the last smaller bowl for $2 from Kiwanis, but the spark just isn't there. For Christmas 2020, I did receive two larger Pyrex bowls to add to the family: Bread Pitt and Angelina Bowlie.

The moral of this story?

Not all that glitters is guff.